9:00 AM

It's 9 AM, September 25.  Just hours or days before the newest babyroachwentzell is born.  Things here have settled into a slow pattern of anticipation.  Every time Beth makes a sound of distress, I immediately ask if it's the real deal, or if it's just pre-pains.  We're all anxious to meet the new baby, and to start our journey as a four-person family.  I know it'll be tough, trying to balance Yvie's needs with the new baby's needs with Nobbit's needs with my needs, but we can do it.  Obviously it'll take some finessing, but if the new baby is anything like the rest of us, we will be able to work something out.  One of my only worries is Y's jealousy.  She has exhibited signs of jealousy before, with her toys and her parents, if other children are playing with them (even if she isn't).  I know it's a totally normal thing, but it still worries me.  I want to make sure that both children know that we love them, and that we'll be there for them.  Even as I think the worries, though, I remind myself about how accepting Y has been about the new baby, ever since we told her one was on the way.  And she's has been so good with her excitement about the new baby.  She talks about all the things she'll teach the baby, even some things that she doesn't know yet...

The house is ready, the family is ready... we're all ready.  Now we're just waiting for the bat signal, the call to action.


Any time know, I just know it.

The home stretch

We are in the home stretch. I will be 37 weeks (considered "term" meaning they won't do anything to stop labor should it start) on Tuesday. While I know the baby needs the last few weeks to finish off its development I am about done with it all. I forgot how difficult the end of it all is. It is near impossible for me to feel comfortable, no matter how I sit or lay or stand. I want some of those anti-gravity suspenders like the Baron Harkonnen has in Dune. Someone should really get on inventing those.

The baby seems to be developing fine. I'm measuring consistently. The baby moves a lot (and stretches - ouch!). This one moves so much more than Yvie did.

Andy has been sick the past couple of weeks. He caught whatever it is Y brought home and has had a rough time of it. With me being so tired (and waddling, my back is not happy) and Andy being so sick, it has been very rough going. I have to admit to a moment of "what on earth have we gotten ourselves into?! How can we manage two of them?!" Thankfully, that panic passed. Yvie has actually been really good about things. She has the occasional moment of fussy 3 year old, but all in all we are really lucky with that girl.

We had a Hammer Party this weekend. It was nice to have friends over for an informal celebration. We had some fun arts and crafts and good food. I really needed a nice time like that.

I'm looking forward to meeting this baby. I still have no feeling if it is a boy or a girl. It's about 50/50 from friends guesses and feelings, too. I'm just ready to meet it! But everyday I tell it, "you have to wait for Grams." My mom comes in to town at the end of the month. I can't wait. We are mostly ready, I think. The house is fairly in order. It's definitely cleaner and more ordered than any place we've lived in. I still have a few more client files to finish up and then I'll be able to relax. Most of the baby clothes have been unpacked and washed. We're hoping to cloth diaper with this baby, so I've been doing research and getting set up for that. We just need to get a few more things. We are getting close! Maybe I'll be able to convince Andy to blog a post before the baby comes.

And as some people have asked if we need anything, we are pretty set from last time, but could always use some help with diapering. We set up a registry with a local diaper company for anyone who is interested http://www.findgift.com/cgi-bin/Registry.cgi?m=View&registry_id=2e59ca78n45bfb7cn5c3c252

Carbs and That Scene in Alien

10 weeks(ish)! I say ish because you never really know. However, things seem to be progressing normally. I'm measuring on track (they take something called the fundal height - the length of the uterus to see how big the baby is w/o an ultrasound) and I haven't gained any weight this month. That means I actually lost weight while the baby gained. This is a good thing for me, given my size. It also means I am probably making wise enough decisions about food.

They officially diagnosed me with gestational diabetes. I'm really borderline, but given the fact that Yvaine was too big to come out last time (really, she wasn't just heavy, her head was chockablock full of huge brainy brain) and that I did have some high numbers at times now, they are erring on the side of caution and making the diagnoses. I really don't want to have surgery again, so I am ok with that. All this is really doing is making me pay attention to what I eat and when I eat it. So for the next 2 months or so, no more popcorn, baked goods, doughnuts, etc. Much less sugar (Although, there are a few sweets I have found with a low enough carb count that I can have just a little bit to satisfy the craving. I am not good if I do total deprivation mode. That way binging lies). It's been a little difficult to get going, but not too bad. I have an appointment with and RN and an RD (registered dietician) next week to get me set up with a blood test machine and to talk about food. I'm staying positive and thinking appropriately sized thoughts for Hammer.

Hammer seems to be doing well, too. Lots and lots of movement. Much pushing and kicking and punching and rolling. Maybe Hammer wants to do stunts in the movies and is practicing martial arts and parkour in there. Hammer responds to some touch (like me pushing its bottom to go back in and stop trying to reinact the scene from Alien, or Space Balls which I prefer as there is singing. There should be more horror move musicals, then maybe I'd watch horror films). Sometimes Andy will drum on my abdomen and Hammer will move around. When I sleep, if I'm pushed up close to Andy's back, Hammer will kick him, which I find extremely amusing giving how much kicking I'm feeling. Yvaine has gotten to feel movement, too. I'll put her hand where it is and she'll feel it. Then she takes my hand and puts it on her belly so I can feel the big sister she is growing (her imagination knows no bounds). She is so sweet. In the mornings she comes in and snuggles in bed with us for a few minutes before we all get started on the day. Often times she says "where's the baby, I want to give it a hug and a kiss." So I'll pat on my stomach and she will flop (gentlyish) on top and hug it and kiss it. She is going to be such a great sister. I know there will be some rough spots, all families have that, but the way Y talks about her role as a big sister and what she wants to teach the baby just makes me so happy for the future.

I'm starting to get anxious/impatient. I'm a little worried about the actual labor/delivery part, but not too much. It will be what it will be. All I can do is try and make my body healthy and strong to work through it. I just really don't want another c-section. That recovery was awful. I discovered that I make a terrible terrible patient. Really, the universe shouldn't inflict me upon the poor L&D staff for 4 days. 2 will be enough. Really, I just want a healthy, happy, Hammer, but I'd also like it to get that way without the need for a major numbing drug near my central nervous system.

I'm starting to get impatient to celebrate. I haven't done as much of that with Hammer as we did with Yvie. I want to have fun and find cool things for it. We are reusing much of what we had when Y was born. I wanted to get a small something that was new (like an animal or something), but they didn't have anything I liked at the store. Maybe I'll try to make something. I've started sorting through all our old baby clothes. A bunch we are giving away (we don't have the space, and don't need it all right away) but there are a fair amount of Y's things that I am looking forward to putting on Hammer.

Still no inkling as to the possession of a Y chromosome. Last time there was some dreaming and intuition. This time, the line is silent. We even have an equal amount of names on our short lists (with Y we were prepared for her being a girl, if she'd been a boy she may not have had a name so soon). I just can't wait to meet the baby! Impatient Nobbit is impatient. But all in all, life is really good.

The word of the day

The word of the day (week/month/pregnancy) is TIRED. I have never felt so tired before. It's all. the. time. If I do a lot - exhaustion, if I do nothing - exhaustion and guilt for doing nothing. Stress has been another key word this go-round. Whoever had the brilliant idea of having a baby and running a new(ish) solo business was crazy (yes, I can call myself crazy). In reality, I wasn't expecting it to be this hard. This pregnancy has been a lot different than the last. I also didn't put into account how difficult it is to have a 3 year old while dealing with all of this internal emotional/physical metamorphasis. It's like she and I both are dealing with major developmental upheavals at the same time. Andy has been, and continues to be, amazing. I don't know what I would do without him. He really is an awesome dad to our girl. He is also an awesome partner to me. He lets me wallow when I need to, but makes sure that I get out of it. He supports me. It's amazing.

I feel like one big pile of guilt. I get stressed because being an adult is difficult and life likes to throw you curve balls (and we all know fastballs are better to hit), then I get stressed that stress is bad for fetal development and I feel guilty and even more stressed and that spirals. Then I feel guilty and stressed for not working as hard as I think I should (be it physically, mentally, whatever) on whatever project it is I am working on - either for work or at home or for friends. My brain still thinks I should be able to do everything as well as I could before we started with Hammer. I feel like a slacker or a failure or a let down when I don't. I know this isn't fair to me. And I really am trying to be more patient with myself and give myself a little more leeway. It's just so hard. I devolve into little pity parties too much. And I cry a lot more this time around. That has been a surprise. Crying is my general reaction to stress (positive or negative) of any kind. This is not great as a professional and I have worked very hard to manage it. But for the past month I have probably cried at something 6 out of 7 days a week. It is tiring. Being so stressed is tiring. There is that word again. I am TIRED. Sleeping doesn't help much either. I've hit the point in this pregnancy where I can't get comfortable. When I finally do sleep, my subconscious tries to torture me and I wake up grumpy or sad or frustrated. This is not a positive frame of mind.

I'm trying to take steps to be less stressed. I keep thinking about what my life really is. So many of my friends and family have been going through some really horrible periods in their lives. It has put stress on me, but nowhere near the stress that is on them. In many ways it has made me more aware of what I really have and what I can really do. And my life is amazing. Materially, I may not be what people think a professional should be, but I have it good. I have a home (not just a house), electricity (oh thank the gods for A/C!), food, clothes. But more importantly I have my family, my friends, my mind and education. I have a place to play music and a place to just play. I have a job that I really do like (I just need to get more clients so I can keep doing it). I have a job where I can take a nap when I really need to. I have the space and time to care for myself (which I really need to do more of). I have so much.

Hammer hasn't been getting as much attention as Hammer should. I was thinking the other day about how I don't think I have really enjoyed or even paid attention to this pregnancy as much as I did my first. This has happened for many reasons, but I don't like it. From now on I'm going to try to pay more attention to what is going on with me. I'm going to try to be more patient with myself, more centered with myself (I very much need to meditate). More willing to celebrate what is going on with me and Hammer. I have felt very subdued this time. Again, for many reasons, but I need to celebrate this. It's not "just another pregnancy." It is special. I wish I had been more consciously aware of that fact before now, but it is what it is. I am excited. For all that I am stressed and tired, I am really happy (and really aware of how much I use the word "really"). I am looking forward to this process and this child. We have about 13 more weeks (Tuesday marks the beginning of the 3rd trimester). I am going to celebrate each one. I hope you will join me.

Confessions of an emotional pregnant lady

Well, we are doing it again! Baby #2 (codename Hammer) is on the way. We are working on getting the website up and running again, but at least I can post on the blog until then. Andy and I will try to keep things updated as we can.

Right now I'm about 23 weeks along (over halfway, yay!). I can feel Hammer moving around and kicking, and Andy has even felt movement a few times. Managing food has been an issue. I vacillate between forgetting to eat and then feeling bleh and then worrying about eating too much (although I know I'm not. In fact I eat very healthy. Fried foods are not all that appealing right now).

The biggest issue for me lately is I am so emotional! I have forgotten a lot of how things were last time. I know it is all normal, but it is still a lot to take at times. Poor Andy has had to deal with me and a 3 year old girl in the same house. He's a trooper.

Random things I've discovered this time around:

1. I do not like roosters. (This has been reinforced over the past couple of weeks)

2. Beef is good (this is consistent with last time), as is dairy, fruit, and cake.

3. I had the same first craving this time as last time, which I think is amusing - steak and shake cheese fries and a strawberry milkshake.

4. Trying to run a start-up business while pregnant is harder than anticipated (as is trying to manage a fairly well mannered but still true to her age 3 year old).

5. Water is wonderful (especially cold water in which to submerse one's giant overheated self).

6. The profile of the pregnant form is reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock (I have a fun picture to prove it :) ).

7. Coming up with names is just as tough the second time around as it was the first.

8. Ultrasounds are awesome. We saw the heart today and got the all clear that it is structurally sound. The spine looks all zipped up. Organs, etc. are functioning properly.

9. Reading heart wrenching/warming things is dangerous (and can lead to dehydration). This includes episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

10. Time moves both ridiculously fast and agonizingly slow all at the same time.

more video

Here are the rest of the videos. Blogger wouldn't let me put them all in one post.

Giggles and more

We had a mini giggle session last night with Yvie :)



Here's some more video from a couple weeks ago of Yvaine playing around the living room including shots of Yvie and George, examples of her everyday routine (i.e.- pulling EVERYTHING off the coffee table). We don't have a video camera so these clips are from our still camera and our web cam so the video quality is a little low at times. She's cute enough to make up for it though :)

Dah -her favorite sound

Smooches!

Yvie is growing in leaps and bounds. She's 10 months old now! (I need to blog more) She's pulling up, cruising around, and making lots of noise. She can squat down and pick stuff up while only balancing against something with one hand. She can stand on her own for brief moments until she realizes what she's doing and then plops down. She loves eating green peas and sharing them with George. She loves George in general and is constantly trying to "pet" the cats who tolerate her to varying degrees.

Her new favorite game is taking things out and putting things in containers. Her head is as hard as a rock (she is Andy's daughter :) ). With her new found mobility she is falling down a lot. "Thunk" is not an infrequent sound in our house. She's a pretty tough cookie though. She'll cry for a brief moment but really all she wants is a hug and then she's back to normal. Even when she goes to the doctor and gets shots, she has a brief cry and then is ok. I love my super trooper girl.

One thing she has started doing that just makes my heart melt is giving kisses. I had been trying to show her how. I would make a kissy face and say "kisses!" then give here a little peck on the lips and say "I love you!" Well now when I make a kissy face she kisses me! It's the sweetest drooliest little open mouth baby kiss and I love it so much. The other day she was sitting with Andy and he put his head down to her and she kissed him on the cheek. It was the most wonderful moment. She truly loves her Dada. She is starting to consistently refer to him as Dada. She makes that consonant sound a lot, but when he comes in a room she looks at him and says Dada. We're working on having her recognize me as Mama, but it's not quite as frequent as Dada is.

I have a little bit of video to share which I will upload once I get a chance. I'll try to get more pictures and videos on here soon.