How the other half lives...

Andy set a pretty high bar with his post about how we got to where we are now. I got all mushy inside. So here's my take on our, as he so aptly put it, road trip so far.

Even before we got married Andy and I talked about what we wanted in the future as far as families go. (And for those of you who remember, when we first met Andy was determined to never marry or have kids) We both wanted multiple kids and wanted to be able to have the energy to play with them so both thought starting earlyish would be good.

We've been together for a long time and married for a few years and felt like it was as good a time as any to get the ball rolling. I have to admit I was (and still am) nervous. I started paying more attention to what I was eating, tried to lose a little weight. We knew it could take a while for anything to actually happen. It was a little frustrating at first because it seemed like so many people around me were getting pregnant but I had to wait. Finally, in August I had a feeling so I took a test. It turned a bright blue fairly quickly. I was at home by myself so I was talking excitedly to the cats. I'm sure they (and now you ;) ) think I'm crazy. I was in a little disbelief. I told myself I would wait a couple days before I took another test, just to make sure. I think that idea lasted just over an hour. Again, super positive. I did a happy dance with George (our dog), she was very excited for me. I went to pick Andy up from work that night and gave him the news. As he said, neither one of us were super freaked out about it. I think I might have cried a little, but that is how I handle stress generally. It was more a state of tentative belief. I still couldn't quite accept it or was maybe worried that it was all a big joke. I took another test a week later to ease my craziness.

I was very happy, and a little shocked. For all that we had talked and planned, the reality of it is daunting. I called my parents a couple of days later, then Andy was able to tell his parents in person since they had a well timed visit. We told our close family (who proceeded to spread the news as only a family grapevine can :) )We waited a little to tell friends, just in case the worst happened, but it was a relief to finally share the good news (I am horrible at keeping secrets, especially happy ones).

It seemed to take forever from when we found out to the first doctor's appointment (even though it was only a couple of weeks). Everything was good and healthy and I had my first ultrasound! I wasn't quite sure what to look for, but Andy was able to see the heartbeat and point it out to me. It was so reassuring, that little fluttering on the screen. We got a picture, and I jokingly said it looked like the Starship Enterprise (this kid is destined for geekhood).

For a long while I didn't feel pregnant (except for the constant nausea). I wasn't showing at all, I couldn't feel anything. I was just sick and randomly moody. Andy is wonderful. I have to say, having someone who is so supportive and who I trust so much with me every step of the way is incredible. He's put up with my swings from ecstatic to blubbering so well. I've never felt so out of control. It's very frustrating.

For the past couple of weeks I've started to feel better. I'm only sick in the morning and I have a healthy appetite. I have a little pooch in my belly so that at least I can see there's something down there. It's not really big enough to be an obvious belly bulge yet, but big enough so that none of my pants fit. We had our second doctor's appointment and got to hear the heartbeat. That was ridiculously reassuring. Something obvious and tangible in a way. Something I could hold onto the thought of and say, "it's really happening." It's a little daunting, realizing that there will be someone who is wholly dependent upon me. The decisions I make right now not only affect me, but the soon-to-be as well. It's forcing me to think beyond myself which is difficult and rewarding.

I had my first actual irrational craving- Steak n Shake cheese fries and a strawberry milkshake. I always thought it was kind of silly that a person could crave something so badly they would send someone out to get it at a random time. I can totally believe it now. When the craving took hold, if someone had walked by with those fries I would have made some poor decisions, let's just put it that way ;) It was almost like a panic attack. I HAD TO HAVE THE FRIES! The driving urge eventually subsided but I was able to indulge later that week and was oh so happy :)

I think the most frustrating part of this process is all that I feel like I've had to give up- wine with dinner, playing ultimate (which I played last weekend and paid the price, I've never hurt so bad), steaming hot baths, personal time- but then I think about all that we're gaining. I can't even imagine it, truly. It's so huge. I had a dream the other night that I was holding the baby. I have never experienced such intense emotion before, even in a dream. I loved the baby so much. It was perfect. Even with all the craziness that is to come, I just keep thinking about that feeling and know it will all be worth it.